Thought of the Week: The Hidden Cost of Masking

Have you ever felt like you had to hide parts of yourself to fit in? For many of us who are neurodivergent this is a constant reality, one that takes a surprising toll. When I first entered the workplace, I was convinced that success meant blending in. I thought the key to thriving wasn’t just about doing good work but about camouflaging myself so that my differences wouldn’t stand out.

So, I became an expert at masking. I memorised office jargon, learned social scripts, and perfected the art of small talk even when it drained me. I smiled when I was overwhelmed, stayed still when I wanted to stim, and replayed every conversation in my head to check if I’d “gotten it right.” From the outside, I probably looked like I was thriving. On the inside, I was crumbling.

Masking felt like survival at the time, but it came at a cost. Every day, I poured so much energy into hiding my true self that by the time I got home, I was completely spent. It wasn’t just physical exhaustion; it was exhaustion in every sense of the word. I wasn’t just pretending to enjoy small talk, I was pretending to be someone else entirely. And after a while, I started to lose sight of who I really was.

Here’s the thing about masking: it doesn’t make you better at your job, more reliable, or more capable. It just makes you tired. Yet, for so many of us, it feels like the only way to navigate a world that wasn’t designed with neurodivergence in mind.

But what if it didn’t have to be that way? What if we could let go of the mask, even just a little, and let our true selves come through? For me, unmasking has been a slow, scary, but incredibly rewarding process. It’s not easy to let people see the real me, the one who struggles in loud, open-plan offices, hyperfocus’s to the point of forgetting to eat, or occasionally fumbles through social situations. But it’s also liberating.

Unmasking has allowed me to build deeper, more authentic connections with my colleagues. It’s shown me that I can thrive not despite my differences, but because of them. And perhaps most importantly, it’s made me realize that by being authentic, I’m helping to create a workplace where others feel they can be authentic too.

So, here’s my thought for you this week: have you ever felt like you needed to mask parts of who you are to fit in? What has it cost you? And if masking feels like a habit you can’t break, what might happen if you tried even just a little to let your authentic self-shine through?

It’s not easy, I know. Vulnerability can feel terrifying. But it can also bring a surprising sense of freedom. Letting go of the mask, even in small ways, has brought so much light to my life and I think it can for you too.

If you’re masking, I see you, I understand. But have you ever stopped to ask yourself: is the mask helping you thrive, or is it holding you back? Let’s open up a conversation about what it means to show up authentically, because I believe genuinely, the workplace and the world needs more of us all showing up, just as we are.